Mjolo can be a bliss to some and a jinx for others. Lots of people use social media platforms every day and this has become a global part of everyday life. Technology has taken over and there is no denying its power and ability to connect the world, however, we can’t overlook its negative impacts on our relationships, particularly the intimate relationships, writes Malashi Lucky Mabunda.
Researchers have found that increased social media usage could lead to more relationship problems, cheating and even divorce. People hardly talk nowadays, when they do, they talk on a face value but never on how they really feel. Even couples do that to each other. This opens up an opportunity for other things, such as flirting and cheating to creep in. At times you find partners sitting in front of a TV, not talking to each other, not watching the TV, but busy on their phones, laughing and smiling at their phones. It’s gotten so bad that we have even normalised it, we see nothing wrong with it.
Social media obsession can cause partners to become emotionally detached, hurt or insecure. Sometimes it may start as an innocent conversation with someone online, and then there is flirting, which may possibly lead to emotionally cheating on your partner. You gradually become emotionally disconnected to your partner as you grow emotionally closer to the person that you are flirting with. This could be someone you had known before or was previously unknown to you. Sometimes this flirting leads to physical cheating. The world is becoming smaller each day thanks to technology, and people make means to meet up in order to satisfy their desires. Social media have put together a world of interpersonal connections literally in our pockets and brought it into our homes. This is making it easier for people who are likely to cheat on their partners to do so, with partners both familiar and or previously unknown to them.
The rate of divorce is sky rocketing, let alone separations, that’s why some people call this mjolo thing (intimate relationship) a scam. I believe that an intimate relationship, mjolo, scam or whatever you call it, is a complex state of affairs. Here are some of my reasons; I believe people get into relationships and/or marriages for the wrong reasons. Some get into a relationship for survival; they sometimes go for the lower moral ground as they do things that go against their moral values. Others get into a relationship to upgrade and maintain their social status, whereas others go strictly for money, they will use their partners to get what they want and then leave. Both men and women do this, hence we have “blessers,” “sugar mommies” and “sugar daddies.” Other people get married because their younger siblings or friends are getting married. They feel like they are racing against the “biological clock” as they get told that they are getting old, and everyone is asking them when are they getting married, or when are they having children. They feel pressurised and then end up doing it, unfortunately with the wrong person. The problem is that we do not play open cards when we get into a relationship. We hide our feelings and intentions but in the process we exchange bodily fluids, and before we know it, there is a baby. And here is the catch; since deep down you knew and you know that you don’t love this person, with whom you have made the child(ren) with, you eventually get what you want or get fed-up and then leave the relationship.
Tell you what; you have in the process created three things, which could unfortunately be undone, unless death happens, which I of course don’t wish for it to happen. Whether you were consciously aware or not, I don’t know. What I do know is that you have created the following:
1. A Baby mama or baby daddy (don’t even mention their dramas).
2. A Step-father or step-mother for this child going forward, unless you choose to remain single and alone for ever, which I don’t see it happening.
3. A half-brother or half-sister for this child.
That is a fact. Whether it was your fault or not, whether you tried to save the relationship or not is a story for another day. An intimate relationship is work, and true love is rare to find in this time and age. As a result, some people are afraid of intimacy, they are afraid to be hurt. Others simply get bored with relationships right away. As soon as the newness vanishes, so does the excitement, and then they move on looking for a new relationship, because freshness brings them enjoyment. Some people don’t want intimacy, they want sex. Some don’t want to open up to others because they are afraid of being vulnerable. They are afraid of letting anyone know who they really are because should people find out who they really are, they would be horrified. Others just don’t want to get into intimacy because it makes them feel insecure and jealous. The deeper they feel about someone, the deeper the insecurity and jealousy. So they would rather be casual, and in that way, they believe they won’t be hurt. Sometimes you feel cheated and you know there must be more, so you go around looking for it, you keep digging and in the process you ruin everything.
Tell you what, we all have tremendous needs and they are all different needs. Trying to fulfil someone else’s needs adds to complications in our lives. The thing is, intimate relationships are a risk. It’s true that they will hurt, they are going to make the greatest demands on you, and it’s true that they are going to demand change. They are going to bring out your best or worst, and it’s true that they are going to bring out your deepest feelings and make you feel ecstatic or miserable sometimes. That my friend, is part and parcel of what you sign up for when you get into an intimate relationship. You need emotional intelligence to make it in this game. The problem is that our modern society doesn’t reinforce intimacy, hence when a couple get married, there is a fifty-fifty chance between marriage and divorce. The truth of the matter is that social media was never created for you to cheat. It just makes it easier for cheaters to cheat, period. Others are using it to generate money, build brands and legacies for their children and the next generations, so what is your excuse?
We are living in a complex world and challenging times. Worse, human beings are multifaceted creatures, so are the environments in which we live and work in. That is why relationships, whether intimacy or not, would call for your emotional intelligence more than any other stuff, otherwise you are stuffed. Emotional intelligence affects how we manage behaviour, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results. This covers competencies related to self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. It is your ability to recognize, understand and manage your emotions and those of others. The problems we face in our world today are huge, so having Emotional Intelligence empowers and gives you awareness, as well as the ability to use this awareness to manage your behaviour and relationships.